SHADES OF A SOUL

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As a human we have so many emotions…. So many moods… So many nature in one just one body, in Just one soul. It’s very surprising for me to see one person with so many different moods sometimes in a day. It’s extraordinary.. And this nature of a human always strike me to know more about it.
I love knowing about different moods, different thoughts, different level of thinking in one person according to situation he /she surrounds with.. It’s always give me pleasure of knowing the mankind.
I was travelling from Delhi to Bangalore once in a train and I got lower birth and in the middle birth there was a girl name Ritu.
She was very pretty, very beautiful.. Big hazel eyes… Round face… Beautiful smile and extremely polite with her tone.
She was around 25 or so….. I was looking at as she was busy managing her language, I offered my help and she accepted. That’s how we started talking… And this is the reason I got the inspiration of this story…..
It’s a very story of Ritu…. Girl with lots of dreams in eyes….. Love in her heart…. Kindness in her behavior…. She was an amazing girl I have ever come across.
Very confident and positive and very modern at the same time traditional. In one sentence I can say she was just perfect but.. As we all know there is nothing called perfect…
Everything… Everyone has flaws so was she…
When she started talking to me it was just very general talks two girls can possibly have….. Though I was really company but somewhere in my heart I knew something is wrong.. Something is not right.. Something is bothering her even she is faking smile…
But as we were not like best friends so I had to wait until she wants to tell me everything whatever is going on in her life..
She started… With a long pause and deep breath….. It was the time when I went out of my house, out my town indeed for further studies as we didn’t have good colleges in our town, Ritu said…….
I was very excited, very happy, very keen to go some place where no one can tell me what to do and what not to do…. Somewhere I can live my life in my own conditions… Some where I am responsible for my own mess….
I understood she is going down under her thoughts… And I was as excited as she to listen the whole story… She (Ritu)  Continues…. I reached Mumbai for my further studies from my hometown… (Ritu was from kanpur). It was city of dreams.. City of opportunities… City of hope for me… And I Just wanted to feel and experience that all… Ritu Said – I was very pampered child at home… Younger one so it was obvious… I got what I want.. Thought I was not a stubborn child, infect I was very well mannered… Quite… Decent girl… And I have carried that quality all this years until I came across the reality…
When I reached Bangalore … I was hell happy… I was alone but I knew I will make good friends very soon as I was very friendly.
And same happened… I got my beat friend at least I was considering her as my best friend until I realize how people actually are now a days especially in the city like Mumbai, Delhi, Bangalore for that matter…. Just big cities..
Ritu continued….. I have got a very nice room and very nice roommate as well… Neha
She was just opposite to me but she was nice…
I mean yes , she was quite… Very shy…. Introvert but decent.. Nice… Helping…. In Just few days we became best friends.
Few days later I’ve realised that she has changed… She was behaving weird and jealous because I got some more new friends and I was really enjoying this life and to be honest I wanted her to be a part of it…. But she couldn’t take it and started blaming me for everything….
If I am busy in partying, if I am on the call, if I’m studying with someone… She has to say something always about it… I was so pissed… I tried talking to her… But didn’t work out because she didn’t want to. But yes of course I did not tell you that why this all happened because in our room where we living with peace, with love, with our great friendship, someone came in between,
She was Neha’s boyfriend’s sister Arpita.
Since Arpita came… I was feeling alone because obviously I lost my best friend.. She was all the time with Arpita and was pleasing her as Arpita was her boyfriend’s sister so obviously she didn’t want to loose a single chance to impress her.
But this all the time she even didn’t realise that I was feeling left out… I was feeling alone I was feeling sad… She was going for shopping with her, We used to go out for party and all I always invited her and always was ready to take care of her but she didn’t come with me as she was very very lack of communication skills and knowledge and experience and confidence…. But I always tried to help her as a good friend…. Always appreciate her from the bottom of my heart,
But I don’t know why she always was mean to me.
We had another girl in our hostel, called Sheena. Her boyfriend s friend John,was an engineer and working.
I met him through Sheena and we were going along well he proposed me I took 15 days to reply and I said yes…
Again Neha got jealous… She started behaving weird, she was not talking to me properly…
And Neha got too involved in Arpita that she completely forgot me, I was feeling left a out in new city, no friends much, now Neha was not with me too…. So I involved in my studies and friends and parties, drinks, smokes….. I know it was wrong but no one was there to take care of me, to stop me, to Control me, to tell me what is wrong what is right, to be with me when I felt alone…. Neha was enjoying as I was ruining my life.. Completely… She was very happy instead of stop me, whenever I was in the hostel she used to go why don’t you go for the parties, why don’t you call him, call her whatever.
After that John came in the picture, actually Sheena told John that Ritu is a very nice girl, just with some habits of drinking and smoking, parties that’s what she told him, please you try to make her feel good, and protected and probably she will leave everything…. If you are in her life.
He said ok… But what if in this drama, I seriously fall in love with her… Sheena said… Don’t… Just help her and go off.
I didn’t know anything about it.
Once Arpita came, me and Neha somehow stopped talking…. In the same room we were not talking to each other. It was very awkward situation but we both were trying to cope up with that.
Diwali came and we both left for home…..didn’t utter a single word in that journey…. After Diwali she came to me and said that I will come after a week you can leave If you want.
And I left.
She reached, after a week I have reached and the moment I have reached, I put my beg on the floor she said we are leaving in another flat, we are shifting, I said we as in, she said me Arpita and Suraj (her boyfriend) I was devastated, broken, alone, lonely… Pissed off, angry….
And that’s how I started drinking and smoking… You know… Probably I didn’t cope up with loneliness.
I was shell-shocked
I was heart broken
I was shattered
I didn’t ever expect this from her
But I pulled myself together.
I had friends
But I wanted my best friend to be with me come what may
I wanted someone who comes and hold me tight and say everything will be fine, I am here for you
I wanted someone to ask Ritu are you ok?????
I have been very strong all my life
So I didn’t show if m crying or anything.
From that night, I was drunk almost every night, was coming from the party at 2am And all of that. This is how John came in the picture and took care of me, helped me to pull myself together, and to leaving all this habits.
I did… I did leave everything
But he was an asshole.
He was drinking too, and abusing me, beating me, throwing me like a trash.
I didn’t tell Nothing to anyone…..One day John came home with all drunk and was talking shit all about my friends family…. Boys…. Started beating me, I was crying asking what happened who told you what…. Whole night I was crying and crying…. Next morning I told him it’s over btw us
He came to my hostel, apologized
He said it was Neha who told me God knows what and why
She called John without my concern and God knows told him what We broke up.
Then one day during college I got a call from some company. I wanted to go for an interview
I just told Neha and ask her not to tell anyone until I get it,
I left for Mumbai from Bangalore…. The moment I reached there, I got a call from my brother that he knows I’m in Mumbai and I am there to meet my boyfriend… I was shocked again…. And I was pissed again, I knew it’s Neha as usual again.
My brother scalded me a lot, I was devastated. I was so feeling bad.
I came back and didn’t attend the interview. Thanks to Neha.
My brother didn’t believe me, I told him to call to that company and confirm he actually did but as I was not lying he was sorry.
Neha again and again was braking my trust and making my life miserable. However I did not tell anything about her, did not anything bad to her did all good stuff about her however I knew she was cheating on her boyfriend and sleeping with someone else. Not just one guy but with many,.
Still I was quite. Time passed and we moved on. I came back to Delhi from Bangalore after my MBA
I had a friend called  Niraj khanna.
Till this time me and Gatha both were in Pune but not talking to each other and she was married
She called me for her marriage but I didn’t go. She called me one day and said sorry for whatever she did to me, she was married so I didn’t want to take out old stuff I have forgiven her. After a month I got a got a call from niraj same stuff she told him what she told John …. I was laughing by that time coz I came to know this girl is in deeply in love with me lol 😜😜😜 and can’t see me with anyone else… Well joking but I knew now how she is….. I told niraj to meet me and clear out everything we did and we are good friends…..
Even when she got engaged she was sleeping with Anup from our college. I was quite as I’m not the person who make someone’s life miserable….
Anyway…. I realized that I was stupid enough to trust her all my life and I stopped talking completely… She sometimes sent me text and all.
She was pregnant, had a baby, So she texted me 2 days back
Hi….. Why don’t you call or text why you are showing attitude… If you are a writer or blogger just for you… Not for me… And I replied
“Hi good morning my dear. That day I was really busy so couldn’t reply but sweetheart let me tell you something…. Yes it’s probably a small thing for you that I’m a writer or blogger but it not for me as it’s my work and I respect that… And being a educated mature Girl especially now when you have achieve in life what you wanted… “Getting married and being mother”  you must be proud and you should be but I would suggest that you should respect someone’s else work too…. If you can’t appreciate, then you should not say anything  negative… I have my own priorities in life which I’ll achieve and I am on my way to my goal…. But I know you were kidding about showing attitude and blogger hogi apne liye but let me tell you something…. After telling me gwalior aa Gayi hu…. My response was appropriate… And to be honest whatever happened btw us or whatever you have done to me in this previous years…. I am talking to you that’s my kindness and humbleness…. Someone wants to get married and have kids in life like every other women.. And someone has different priorities in life… But here no one was a saint or sinner…. Everyone has a past and we know it… Just that I was being a true friend…. So next time insulting someone’s work just make yourself realize where do you stand….. NOW THIS IS WHAT I CALL ATTITUDE……”
I’M FEELING GOOD NOW….
Ritu and I had tears in our eyes but she is now happy… Successful….. Married with twins…. God bless her always…. God bless her everyone…..
Stay blessed
Shilpa Sharad
Freelance writer and blogger
Shilpasharadblog.wordpress.com

Shilpa Sharad’s Blog

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4 thoughts on “SHADES OF A SOUL

  1. We all learn from our experiences, especially mistakes. That’s how the journey of wisdom never stops, although this article tells me that my last comments on your post didn’t help you.

    The story, here, is poised with emotions, twists, turns, deceit, wisdom, jealously, vulnerability and even farce identity theft. If I have got your article right, you have just projected your story by swapping roles with Ritu. Writers get a lot of inspiration from their own life events and many a times, they invent characters to tell their own stories.

    While there are advantages of this approach, admitting to my-own-story-through-my-character goes a long way in connecting with your readers. It helps them to connect on a personal level with the writer and see things from his/her perspective. So go ahead, admit and write more. May be through Ritu as your alter ego or someone else.

    Lastly, the story telling approach hasn’t improved much from before. Previously, you said that you were amateur and still learning but, the learning curve is not apparently visible in this post as well.

    Cheers!!

    Like

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